Advice from liz or anyone

[almaaz]

I just had my BFN from my second IVF cycle from CCRM . I had high hopes from this cycle becos , I went to CCRM , one of the top centers in the country , quit my high stress job etc . It has been very difficult . Trying to pull myself out of this abyss . I specifically need advice about my social situation . I have pretty much isolated myself rom everyone , do not go to parties etc for fear of someone commenting or asking about our situation or their own pregnancy etc. I need to get out of this situation , whether I am successful with my infertility or not . Please help .

[LizODonnell]

Decreasing Isolation

Hi there - so sorry to hear about your second IVF cycle - I know how hard it is to come back from the heartbreaking disappointment of that unwanted phone call. The first crushing days and hours of a negative result can feel terrifyingly lonely - even when you are able to share it with someone - so when you have avoided people and situations in order to cope the added isolation can be crushing. It might seem as though no-one in the world cares about how you feel or that anyone else has ever felt as bad... It is important for you to identify someone in your life who loves you and will care right now that you are feeling so sad - maybe it is your sister, a friend, or your partner - even someone at the clinic (I know that CCRM has a great counselor).

You have made an important decision when you say that regardless of what happens with your IF that the way you feel right now is not a place that you can stay. Simply saying that is recognition that you see that the disconnection from others is compounding your grief rather than bringing you comfort. This does not mean of course that all supporters are created equal - try to look for someone whom you recognize as non-judgmental and who will not try to rationalize your emotions but will simply hold you and let you cry. The yearning for a child, expressed in part by the lengths that you are committed to go to achieve this, cannot be understood in isolation - an ironic choice or words I know - you are on a quest for family and one that resembles your vision of this word - family means community and connection - it is what nourishes the heart - hence your current heartache - it therefore makes sense that you would need heart-based comfort to help you recover from your present loss.

You did the best that you could by going to CCRM - this result does not mean that family is lost to you, although I know that it can feel that way in the immediate after-math. Your grief needs to be recognized and it won't be if you remain silent about the struggle you are in - the invisibility of IF compounds this pain - there is dignity in sharing - and you have started by sharing here - I hope that you have others in your life who also have your back. It is important as you are attempting to re-enter your social life that you know where you will be treated kindly - you could also consider going to a couple of (Resolve) support group meetings this can make the transition a little gentler - warmest Liz

[almaaz]

Liz , thank you for your support , this means a lot at this time . I have made that decision to have friends and relationships again . Like you said I might have to pick and choose atleast initially when I am vulnerable . I have been isolating myself for sometime and it might be difficult but I think I will start making efforts . I just found this forum and I am glad for this support . Thank you .