Welcome to our new home!

[Pat Johnston]

The three boards on adoption (Expecting, Waiting, and Parenting) on the "old" INCIID site, which I've moderated for a very long time, have been combined here using INCIID's new software and servers. I'm pleased to be part of the change and am looking forward to meeting new INCIIDers for whom adoption is a part of family planning.

For those who don't know me, my name is Pat Johnston (yes, there is a T in there) and I'm married to a person adopted as an infant, the SIL of another adoptee (his sister) and cousin-in-law to two more (two of their four cousins.) Dave and I raised three children who were adopted domestically in infancy (arriving at 10 days, 4 day, and 10 weeks.) The older two are now married. The oldest--our son-- lives in Colorado and was married there just this past August, and our middle child (older daughter) who lives in the Indianapolis area, was married three years ago this fall. Last October she gave birth to our first grandchild, who spends her days at our house while parents are at work. In June our youngest daughter moved to Atlanta, where she's having a heck of a time finding a job!

I've served on several boards of directors over the years, and I've been an infertility and adoption educator for almost 30 years and am the publisher at Perspectives Press, Inc (www.perspectivespress.com), which focuses on these topics. My own books include Understanding Infertility, Taking Charge of Infertility, Adopting:Sound Choices, Strong Families (which replaced Adopting after Infertility and Launching a Baby's Adoption last January) and Adoption Is a Family Affair. You may see me or may have seen me doing workshops sponsored by agencies or medical practices or support groups in your city.

Obviously, I've been around the block when it comes to these issues, and I am pleased to offer you my BTDT-and-here-is-what-I-learned-that-could-help view!

Pat

[ur2ys79]

Where to start?

Hi Pat! My husband and I have been trudging through infertility for the past five years. We have exhausted our insurance coverage for treatments and are now sitting here longing for a child. We have been talking about adoption for over a year now, but never know where to start. How do you pick a legitimate agency to work with? What types of options are there for infant adoption? I live in the northwest part of Ohio, if that helps.

[Pat Johnston]

Welcome ur2ys79! Happy to try to help....

In considering adopting, there are a whole series of decisions to be made, so the first step is not finding an agency, but choosing instead what kind of child you want to adopt and from where. Then you can choose the right agency to help you do that.

You need to think about a whole series of things...
your budget
your ages and health status
age of child
race of child
country of origin of child
Your willingness to experience an open adoption or not (after being appropriately educated about what this means!)

For example, it sounds like you are thinking infant adoption. That's still too broad a decision, since agencies will define "infant" as anything from newborn to 18 months old or so, but not all agencies will be able to help you with that whole age range. So, you need to think again about your flexibility about age. Older babies are sometimes available from the public system at no cost at all (especially if you are willing to foster first) public agencies rarely place newborns. Private agencies charge fees, and each one sets its fee differently from every other one. But most newborns are placed either through private agencies or "independently"--often through an adoption attorney with a homestudy done by an agency or independent social worker, depending on your state's rules. An increasing number of these adoptions involve a commitment to some degree of communication with the child's birthfamily over time.

For a long time people have chosen international adoption partially to avoid being disappointed by being "matched" with a pregnant woman who changes her mind before placement (this happens almost always at the hospital, before a placement, and virtually never after a placement has been made). But waits for international adoptions are getting longer and longer, and "infants" from most countries are at minimum 9 months of age, some of them having spent early months in foster parents and far more in an institutional setting.

The cost of adoption varies from a few hundred dollars for finalization in a public agency adoption to well over $40,000 for some independent adoptions and some international adoptions.

Let me make a suggestion. A good place to start is with my new book, Adopting: Sound Choices, Strong Families, which should be available from your public library (and is of course available from Amazon, etc. This should lead you through the entire decision making process, helping you find the right questions to ask yourself to make each decision. As you ready, come back and ask as many questions as you'd like!

I'm here for you as you make this journey!

Pat

[ur2ys79]

Thank you!

Thank you for your wisdom. I will definately go get your book and take the next step. I will keep you up to date on our journey.