Dear Liz

[almaaz]

Thank you for your help in the past . I am headed towards my third IVF cycle and have been given a poor prognosis based on the last 2 cycles . I have poor embryo quality and by day 3 all my embryos are slow or arrested and lagging behind . My RE had suggested donor egg which is not a possibility for us based on various facts. I find that I am not being able to be positive about this cycle at all . I feel sad and anxious and feel myself dreading everything . I am travelling out of town to cycle with CCRM and had a difficult time scheduling everything . I had been hopeful and excited for the first two cycles . What can I do to feel better ? I am afraid I might adversely affect the outcome of the cycle with my current state . Me and my husband have decided that we will cycle with my eggs until we can cycle no more. We are completely out of pocket and things are crazy expensive . I am sorry for this rambling but had to get this out .

[LizODonnell]

Struggling to Retain Hope

Hi There - I know it is scary to hear the analysis of previous cycles and to go forward into the next one with a sense of realism and hope. However, HOPE is absolutely present in your decision to move forward for a third cycle. No-one needs to tell you that the struggle has been difficult and against typical odds but if you had not decided to attempt IVF you would have perhaps diminished your possibilities even further. I have worked with several couples who have experienced what you have - and have gone on to become pregnant. You aren't doing this for it not to work and you know better than anybody that it might not. You are connected to the hope that it might - this is the steady mantra that you will need to keep quietly in your head rather than the fearful refrain "I know it won't happen". We sometimes delude ourselves that expecting the worst protects us from the pain when the worst happens. It doesn't but it does provide the illusion that we will be better prepared. You want to become parents - you will not be able to avoid the sadness if this next treatment doesn't take you there - however you can move through it with less panic and trepidation if you begin to say what you know rather than what you fear.

You know you want to have a child and that you will put yourself through IF treatment in order to get closer to this dream.

You know that despite your RE giving you slightly lower odds this time that you are prepared to try again - AND that he is prepared to treat you again. You aren't doing it to be on the wrong side of the statistic - this is where your hope sits - in the belief that you can perhaps be on the right side.

You know that you want to be a mother and that you have already pursued avenues that perhaps 5 years ago you didn't even know about let alone thought you would participate in...don't close any doors to motherhood - it picks you from so many places unknown...

A personal note: When I began IF treatment 26 years ago I was told my chances of getting pregnant with frozen embryo was 1% - I had already had 4 fresh IVF cycles without a pregnancy. I was hardly going to say well don't bother putting the embryos back then - I did become pregnant and my son is now 20 years old. I was on the wrong side of the medical statistics and on the right side of hope. Sometimes this is all we have - this is what keeps you going - I wish you the very best - don't punish yourself further by imagining that your fear will be your downfall - your fear is understandable - facing it is what you have done already - When it is time for you to do something else you will know that too - kindest to you through this next decision (you are in good hands at CCRM) - best Liz