Hello Liz

[almaaz]

I wish I had a happy update but I dont . Time has passed , my situation has only gotten worse . When we started cycling we had atleast 4 close friends(couples) that had no children ,but now we do not know anyone who is childless. I have had 4 IUI's and 5 failed IVF's , 4 of which have been at the best centers in the country that is CCRM and Cornell .All cycles have been completely out of pocket and have involved cycling out of town for 4 of the cycles . AT some point I had decided that I would not do any more than 6 cycles with my own eggs ( based on ASRM guidelines ?) Anyway , now I am faced with a last cycle with my own eggs followed by a donor cycle . But I just cant seem to have the strength . I am feeling very depressed . I have not made any arrangements for cycling as I usually do . My husband has been depressed as well . All of our friends have children or are pregnant , two of them decided to hurry seeing our predicament and succeeded right away . I have been working on temporary work assignments month to month , which have required staying away from home and husband for about 20 days each month for the past 2 years except for the months that I was cycling . I really want to stop and get a local job , but not sure how I could do it with the cycles left . And I know that chances with donor egg are not a 100% and may require more than one cycle for success . I am burnt out and at the end of my tolerance Please can you help me with any coping mechanisms through all of this ?

[LizODonnell]

A little too late

Hello there - I am so sorry that you had no responses to this post - if you did not know - I am no longer moderating this Board but as I am sure so many of your do - I cruise once in a while to see how people are doing. I notice that Nancy has responded to a few people but when I read your message and realized that no-one, especially me, had not reached out, I was quite devastated.

I know that this was back in July and we are now in November - but hopefully - no message is too late. Of course I do not know where you are in this process or whether you will ever get to read this message but please know that I am reaching out to you with regret that we missed crossing paths back then.

Coping is such an elusive word because it suggests that we must find a way to live in what gives us tremendous pain - who wants to do that? Your words here suggested of course that you do. Finding an ear that is listening is critical and I hope that you were able to do that back in July. Your tears must fall in sacred places so that despite the losses you have survived you continue to be sustained by resilience and love. Love too can feel elusive when all you want to do is grow a child who will allow you to fully express the magnitude of that desire - but find it and hold it you must. This includes the grace that is required to not pick at yourself. Surround yourself with the people you have faith care about you and can hear every sad and ugly word you need to speak. Listen to music that makes you laugh and cry. Eat well and sleep more than you ever thought you would - but be committed to getting up. Explore alternative family building options - not as second choices but as doors to open. Most of all allow your body to do what it can do well - hold you up - fill you with breath and give in to the need to be held. Please know that I and others care how ever far away and distant we might all feel - my deepest wishes are sent to you for health and family - Liz