Suggestions

[Empty Arms]

My earlier post created a thought.
And i was wondering if anyone has suggestions.

I really feel like wearing a shirt that says "I want a baby, it hasnt happened, and my husband could care less if we ever have one".."please dont ask me if/when we are having children" THANKS>

But I know that is NOT an option. (even if its tempting).

I have not found a "polite" way to say...touchy subject, please stop talking to me about this, I can only avoid you, hide in the church bathroom, or hold back the tears so long.

Its also hard, because alot of times my husband is standing right there and I am so tempted to say "no we arent going to have children more than likely...and this &(*)$*$) next to me could care less"

Anyways...my guestion is...how do you answer the people. How do you fight back the stupid tears that form in your eyes, when the word BABY comes out of a persons mouth to you, in guestion form.

You cant be rude and just run away screaming....STOP IT.
I mean...the need some sort of response.

I've found way to avoid baby showers. I just "fake" a headache, or have a "sudden unexpected trip" out of town.

But....I guess...I just want a way to not be rude, and answer them. But not "kill my heart" while I'm doing it.
Or worse, someone cacth me on a bad day and I just stare at them and say...I dont want to talk about it..and walk off. I dont like being like that.

[shatina242003]

Ughhhhhhhhh I know the feeling.....

I completely understand how you feel. It seems like everytime my husband and I are around family or friends they always ask when we are going to have a baby and immediately I get sad and very quiet because if I open my mouth I will begin to cry. I also said that I was going to make tshirt that said "Dont ask". The hardest thing for me is that I work at a childcare facility and have to walk bast the infant room at least four times a day. In addition to walking past the baby room, it seems as if everyday someone else comes in saying that they are now pregnant.....everyday!!!!!!!!!!!! From teachers to parents......everyone is now getting bigger showing the bump in their tummy and I try to be happy for them but I find myself getting sad so I make myself smile and walk away. I know that the people that ask mean no harm, but it is causing a lot of harm and hurt. I will continue to be happy for those around me that find themselves with child.

[myjade_84]

I feel the same way. But you have to answer them politely or else you will be called rude. I just tell them, we are trying or God doesn't give us the gift yet. Then i will change the topic quickly so no one would ask about it again.

[shatina242003]

No there is no being polite with people that ask you every time they see you! Or that make comments as they touch my stomach. I've just started ignoring them or by just saying really when it happens it happens

[myjade_84]

I understand but you might lose them. Even if they are annoying, i'm sure you still want to talk to them. I actually told some my friends of my situation and they understand when i tell them to stop asking about it because it hurts me to talk about it. But the pity and what the hell is wrong with your body look i saw on their eyes is not worth it.

[shatina242003]

There is nothing to lose. They are not friends of mine but I see them often.

[myjade_84]

Then i guess you can ignore them.

[SunshineGirlLM*]

I have an idea...........

I tried this once: "Sometimes people have to go through pain and loss to have a child." Then, they usually will not say anything else afterwards, but try and figure out what you mean.

I think the hard part is that so many people have no idea of the pain IF and Loss can cause. I came to a point where I tried to educate others, because I got tired of all the pain. I think it really depends on the person asking and the situation.

Good luck to you. I hope your dreams come true soon.

Best wishes,

LM

[spartman]

I can relate. I used to get very frustrated and even angry when people asked. Now I am much more open with my infertility situation. Now when someone asks I tell them we have been dealing with infertility. I feel free from keeping a "secret." Even though it might make people uncomfortable I do what feels best for me. I think it is important to do what you are comfortable with and what makes you most content.