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How do I keep pretending?

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  • How do I keep pretending?

    For 2 years my husband and I have been actively trying to convince, although before we weren't doing anything to prevent it. I have seen dr's and list weight to try to get my cycles straight, and prayed, and done everything possible to get pregnant and nothing has happened. It didn't bother me as bad a year or so ago because my best friend was going through the same thing, but now she has a baby. Do t get me wrong, I am happy for her, but suddenly I feel alone like my life long dream of being a mother will never happen. I am so tired of people asking when. I'm going to have a baby. What's worse is I'm tired of hearing people talk about their pregnancy or birth experience, and I just sit there in silence because I have nothing to contribute because I don't know. A couple days ago my cousin gave birth to a beautiful little girl and her mother, (not the one who was pregnant, her mother) said something completely out of line to a nurse that hurt me so bad I don't know if I will ever be able to get over it. She unfortunately is the kind of person who doesn't care who she hurts... I literally cry every night over this. I want it so bad it hurts. I just don't know how to cope... I pretend to be happy to strangers when I'm miserable. I just don't know what to do anymore...

  • #2
    I am sorry to hear about the trials of your last two years. Infertility is so much harder than most people realize. The lack of validation for your pain is often the catalyst for more pain. People just don't understand. Conception on average takes 6-8 months of active trying. The best practice for couples having problems is to get an evaluation (both of you) and figure out after you nail down the issues, what is the next best step. Many women have a hard time separating from their OB/GYN's but going to an RE is really a much better plan. While it may seem expensive - it's really more cost effective.

    I hear you loud and clear. When you see others getting pregnant and delivering around you - particularly your closest friend it is very painful. People are so clueless too - because its so much more common not to have infertility than to be dealing with it - others just don't even think you might be having some problems before they open their mouths and insert their feet. Having a baby is a very personal decision. On the reverse side of that however - telling someone who asks that you are having some fertility challenges could open the discussion. The more we talk about these challenges - the less they are attached to some kind of stigma. There is a stigma attached to women often when they can't conceive - but there shouldn't be.

    There are some things you can do to help and keep yourself sane. Develop a plan to combat the fertility issues - write down your plan and steps to get there. Step outside of yourself and spend some time help some others. Have you looked into the mind-body alternatives to increase chances. December 3 (Thursday 7:30) Helen Adrienne a mind-body expert will be doing a Webinar with INCIID - Helen is amazing, think about registering and joining

    There is not doubt that infertility and multiple pregnancy loss is painful - Try to find a way to embrace the pain, move through it and use it to create a plan to build your family - there are things you can do. There are ways to help you protect yourself too - and you should not have to apologize because you don't attend events that make you feel worse. You are a worthy person in your own right - with talents maybe you have not explored yet. You can plan to build your family and still not make it the center of who you are.



    • #3
      Best of luck to you. I hope your problems are long gone by now. If you need to relax a good massage in Gent is always a good idea.