A different kind of grief and loss (succ. briefly mentioned)

[Guest]

After a very long struggly with IVF and many failed attempts DH and I finally were successful. After this we made the decision to donate/adopt our embryos through an open adoption. It was the only way we were comfortable with doing it for many personal reasons. I have kept in close contact with the family we chose and unfortunately they had 2 failed attempts with FET using our embryos. Our contract stated that any remaining embryos would be returned to us if she did not wish to use them and that we would make the decision to use them ourselves or find another family to donate them to. Last night I found out that she made the decision on her own to allow the clinic to annonymously donate the remaining embryos to another couple. The clinic then closed and I will never know where my embryos are or what happened. I am heartbroken. I know this isn't the same loss that many of you have experienced and I am sorry if I have intruded somewhere that I shouldn't but this isn't the kind of thing many people can understand. I just feel so much loss, betrayal, grief and like I will always wonder and worry about the embryos.

I thought I was doing something so good and it really did feel good but now I have so many regrets...

[inciidadmin]

I'm really so sorry this happened to you. I think a loss to someone is a loss and we all grieve in different ways for thoses losses.

We all handle the grief in different ways. If you have a spiritual faith or belief in a higher power or God, you might try looking at this in a different way and decide that those embryos went to someone that really needed them.

You did everything you could - everything humanly possible to do what you felt you needed to do with regard to your family and your embryos. Beyond that due to circumstances that are just so far out of our control there just wasn't anything you could do.
Don't feel badly that your grief is what it is - I think it was wonderfully altruistic of you to donate those embryos in the first place. What you may need to think carefully about now is how do you move forward with the pain and grief. I do think it's helpful to go through the grieving process and move forward knowing you did all the right things for the right reasons.

I don't think anyone will fault you for your feelings of loss as we all experience those feelings differently. I hope you can find peace in your decisions and in moving forward. Nancy

[Tonya77]

(((hugs)))

How very unethical of her and the clinic. I would be very angry and devestated. Im so sorry. (((hugs)))