Sharing my story, too.....

[searching_for_hope]

I am a 37-year-old mom, and so sad for those of you that have not yet experienced that joy. However, I have had a similar experience as those I am reading about. At 12 weeks, I had some minor spotting, and after three healthy pregnancies KNEW there was a problem. I already had a Level II ultrasound scheduled for that day, which was this past November 17th. As soon as I saw the spotting, I called my husband who came immediately, and my midwife. She told me to go ahead to my scheduled ultrasound because that would tell me more than they could at the Birth Center. We went in for the ultrasound only to discover the same thing, no heartbeat. What total devastation! I was unable to really communicate with the nurse and doctor who had done the ultrasound, so we left. Later, I realized that I wanted to know more and called the midwife who told me the baby was 7 weeks, even though I was supposed to be 12 weeks. I was then referred to the midwives physician back-up who would consult with us and help us decide what to do. To make a long story short, we went in to see him on Friday night, November 21st, I had already begun bleeding that last Tuesday, but nothing significant enough to say it was an actual miscarriage. I was having contractions that Friday night when I saw him, and a a natural miscarriage at TARGET of all places. Thank God my husband was there, even though he couldn't come into the bathroom, he was on the phone with me. We had scheduled a D&C for the next day, Saturday. We still went in for that, but what a heart rending experience. I am still aching in my very soul as I sit here at 2am hoping for sleep that does not come. Tomorrow, December 2nd, I have a follow-up appointment with the OB-GYN to tell us the test results from the remainder of the tissue that was removed with the D&C. Hoping to get more information and decide if we want to do this again. We were not trying, we just weren't preventing. At my age, however, I think if we want another we should actually try. I don't know if we can emotionally handle another miscarriage and I cannot imagine how strong some of you are that have gone through this multiple times. It has been simply crushing and it isn't over yet. I was somewhat relieved to have the D&C, especially since I was already bleeding and the physician did another ultrasound to ensure there was no viable pregnancy. I cannot imagine slogging my way through this quagmire of grief again. I am simply in need of support that I am not finding, though my husband has been a rock. He feels this loss as well, though not as profoundly I thnk, and he cannot possibly understand the physical aspects. I am.....searching for hope that this will get better and we can try again.

[cherie]

((((hugs)))) I wen through th eexact same thing 3 times. The first was my very first pregnancy. After that, it took us over 3 years of treatment to get our DS, now 8. I had 2 other losses at 11 weeks prior to having DD,now 6. All three were found to have no heartbeat at the 11-12 week u/s. They all measured around 8 weeks. Each one was tested and found to be odd chromosonal things that are random. I remember feeling just as you do. The first time was such a huge shock. The second two happened during the same year and left me feeling very numb and almost hopeless.

Keep going forward toward your goal. It will hurt no matter what but I found that getting right back on the horse was the most proactive thing I could do. I concieved my 3rd m/c and DD the first month after the d/c's.

((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

[rellie]

I am so sorry for your loss

I too went thru two miscarriages within a yr.

The first one I was 12 weeks along and no heartbeat. The baby died at 7 weeks. I have no children as this was the first time my husband and I tried. We were devestated! I felt lost, alone and cold. Didn't know where to turn, even tho I have my husband that was MY ROCK as well. I couldn't find any comfort. I went to counseling and that helped a bit. But not much. I finally decided to let go one day after several months and cried for hours.

The second time around I lost the baby at 5 weeks. I miscarried naturally. It was like a period. I was very emotional and it was mentally draining.

I can not bear to see anyone pregnant. I get angry when I see other's with healthy babies. I am sad, frustrated and somewhat depressed about it. My husband I want a baby and I hope GOD will help us this yr. I dont know if I can go thru another miscarriage. It takes a toll on your body and soul.

I understand what you are going thru, hang in there..., we all will get thru it.