I don't think he gets it...

[uknitty]

[psilverman]

I just want to tell you how sorry I am...

...sorry for your losses, sorry for your experience, and sorry for how alone you are feeling now. People react to and deal with things so differently -- I think very often men feel the need to push away the things that are hard for them just when we need to put it on the table and discuss it. (I realize this is a huge generalization, but it has been true a lot in my life).

I think he really does believe he is doing this for you -- setting an example so to speak. Is there someone you both can talk to that may serve as an objective person who can help you communicate -- a therapist, a clergy-person, even a family member? If not, could you maybe start with your post here and write a note to him -- not blaming -- perhaps even toning down the parts about his availabilitgy, just explaining. Explaining that you need time, you need support, but that you don't want to be in this mode forever either. Your post here is eloquent, you went through a lot.