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  • Daisy

    I am young, 19. I got pregnant at the age of 17. My EDD was March 2nd, 2008. When I took the HPT and it read 'Pregnant' so many emotions were running through me I couldn't even cry. I didn't have a Mom, Sister, Father, anyone to talk to about it. Just my boyfriend, and baby daddy. He was very angry and confused seeing how I was on BC and we used protection every time. I wasn't sure how far along I was, so when I went in for my first appointment, they did an ultra sound right away to see how far along I was exactly. The doctor came in with the ultra sound pictures and she handed me one, a full head to toe side view of the baby, I had never seen an ultra sound, but something didn't look right to me.

    She had a systic hygroma. On top of being a pregnant teenager, the doctor started going off with all these medical terms and throwing words out like, "Downs Syndrome Turner's Syndrome, Misscarriage."

    This baby was the first person that I would be able to call my family. She would'nt leave me, she would be mine. My family. I didn't care if she were to have a genetic disorder, She was my baby.

    I then had to proceed with a barrage of tests, genetic counselors, more tests, traveling to big cities, missing school, being tired, worried.

    The genetic counselors and doctors told me if the pregnancy made it past four months, it would most likely make it through the entire pregnancy and be born.

    I had a procedure done called a CVS. Its kind of like an amnio centices except they can do it earlier. It was very painful. They took cells from the placenta to examine them and take pictures of all the chromosomes.

    I got the results back when I was one week away from being five months. She had Turner's Syndrome. And I figured i'd made it past four months, she was going to live. Two weeks after I got the results, I was at work waitressing and felt a rush of fluid. I went into the bathroom and there was blood everywhere. I broke down and had a pannick attack. My manager sent me home, I lived with my boyfriend and his parents at this time, when I got there, his mother and I called the hospital and asked if I should come in, and they said no. But I knew I was misscarrying. So we went in anyway. The doctor came and examined me and determined I should have an ultra sound, by this point I had had hundreds of ultra sounds, I know what they are supposed to look like. The Ultra sound technician jellyed me up and began. There were no colors. I said, "Her hearts not beating is it?" she coldly looked at me and said, "I'm not allowed to tell you that." I was very calm and thought I was handling things very well. I took a couple weeks off school and work to regroup, but I fell into a deep depression and didnt go back to either. I literally woke up in the morning to go back to sleep again.

    2 months later, I got a call from my sisters friend. *My sister is one of those people who does any drug she can get her hands on and her only mission in life is to get wasted every day.* She tells me, you have to come to the hospital, your sister is having a baby.
    The only thing I could think of is what a cruel cruel sick joke. But they kept calling and calling. So finally I gave in and my boyfriend and I went to the hospital. My sister gave birth to a beautiful healthy 7 month old baby. The epitome of a miracle child.

    I will finish my story later. This is the first time im finally letting these feelings out. It is difficult.

  • #2
    I was wondering how you are doing? I read the first part of your story. I know exactly how you feel. The same thing happened to me. It makes it hard when you wanted that baby so much and you know your sister probably doesn't care. You would have been a good mom and who knows what kind of mom she will be. All you can do is help that little baby. Remember, she's your niece now and she needs an aunt who will show her how to be strong. The pain may never go away but you will get better. It just takes time. You will never forget your little girl and that's o.k. too. Did you name her? I had three miscarriages, two I knew for sure were the long awaited boys I wanted. Both had been found to have chromosomal problems so if they had lived would have had difficulties but I didn't care. They were my babies. It took me a long time to get to the point where I didn't cry about it all the time but that doesn't mean that I still don't remember. Try naming her and maybe putting all your ultrasound pictures together in a scrapbook. I had a birthstone bracelet made of my lost ones that I wear all the time now.


    • #3

      I'm doing good. My sister actually took off and hitchhiked to california last october, and hasn't come back yet. And my niece's dad doesn't want anything to do with my niece. So she got adopted, but i'm happy for her. She deserves parents who will love her, and they decided that I can be a part of her life. So I do get to be auntie. And yes, I named my baby, My name is Michelle, I named my baby Daisy Grace. My X actually got back with his X 2 weeks after we broke up and knocked her up, so he is married with a kid now. But i'm actually doing okay with it, Im goin to college this fall and i'm finally getting my life back in order (two years later). But I really appreciate the concern. It's nice to hear. How are you doing with your loss?


      • #4
        I am glad you get to be an aunt. I'm doing fine now. It's been over a year since the last one. But you never forget. I still remember when each one would have been born and think, oh - he would be one today or four in May and so forth. But at least I have two beautiful little girls that are healthy. I give them an extra hug when I get sad about the ones I lost. Enjoy being an aunt. You get to be adored without having to be the disciplinarian.


        • #5
          Daisy would have been 1 in march of this year. The hardest day for me is mother's day because I feel like a mother, but no one else really sees it that way. I was going to adopt my niece, but the foster family she was with loved her so much, and you could just tell they were right for her. I just got this feeling that this is what was supposed to happen. I will have kids someday, although not for a few years. I have nightmares about miscarriage. And i'm deathly afraid of it happening again, so im really scared to get pregnant.

          How old are your girls? I beleive young children carry the spirit of lost ones.

          Michelle =)


          • #6
            My girls are 8 and almost 6 now. My first miscarried angel would be 4 and the last two almost two and almost one. I got married late in life and then we had trouble getting pregnant. We tried for three years and then went through all kinds of testing and drug trials and such. Nothing seemed to work. By then, I was almost 38 and I just figured my biological clock was about up. I gave up and that's when it happened, when I least expected it too. I had taken sooooooo many pregnancy tests and they were always negative. Being a teacher I was always seeing these girls in the highschool getting knocked up and not ready to be a mom, but I couldn't. Finally I took one more test and it was positive. I couldn't believe it. I had my 8 year old and then, no problems two years later, came my 6 year old. I got pregnant a year after my 2nd one and was so excited because I was so sure it was a boy. I had a lot more morning sickness, all day, with that one then with my first two. Things seemed to be going well and I hadn't had any problems with the first two. Yeah I was 40 by now so I knew the statistics. I had an appointment at 8 weeks and saw the heartbeat and so forth. But three weeks later, I started spotting. We went in and it had stopped growing at nine weeks. I know what you mean about the fear because the next two times I got pregnant, I was a mess the whole time until I miscarried. Although both of those pregnancies were different from the first. I could never get excited or relaxed about it like I did with the first two. When that time comes for you, you need to figure out a way to relax yourself and try not to worry. It's hard. You need an understanding doctor who will be willing to check you more. I'll write more later. I need to go get supper started now.