stimulation day 5 of 1st IVF

[natailia3]

Ok, I am gonna try again with a better attitude today!
Sometimes I feel like a jerk for wanting a second baby when there are people out there with zero. I am sorry if I came across as insensitive to you.
I REALLY hope it works for you! I really really really do. And you are right, lots of great new stuff this cycle for you. I never knew if you knew what the cause of the infertility was but if its a male issue, then those techniques will be a great help. Keep up with those positive vibes!
I can accept that some days will be better than others. I am totally PSMing or just whacked out on these hormones. Its not normal for me. But I am pulling myself up by the bootstraps now and sucking it in.....
I found out Friday the labs are closed so now I have to wait till Monday to draw the blood and get the results mostly likely Wednesday. Guess I will have to rely on the HPT till then
Thanks for the chin up. I am putting on my walking shoes and going for that walk! Fresh air, blue sky, spirits lifted.

[Carlaliz]

Oh no! I didn't mean to make you feel guilty. I didn't think that you were being insensitive and I'm sorry if I sounded like I did. We're both gonna have our up and down days and need to be able to share what we're feeling with someone. Who else will understand but someone who's gone through this? I was trying my best to be as positive as possible b/c I really don't have any other choice. I don't blame you for feeling bummed, especially after those HPT. Man, I HATE those things!!!! Plus, the hormones do make us very emotional. My husband said something that upset me Mon. night and suddenly I was sobbing and yelling like it was some big deal. His mouth was hanging open as he stared at me b/c he didn't know what to do. I got it together in a few min. and we were able to laugh about it, but I lost it for a few seconds. If the hormones aren't doing it, just the stress and anxiety of this will. But, like you said earlier, we'll get through this one way or the other.

It REALLY sucks that you'll have to wait until Mon. to do your blood test. I'm sure that makes things even harder. But, hey, we'll be getting our results on the same day! Maybe that's a lucky sign..... I know how terrible it is to feel so down. I hope that you're better soon and please don't hesitate to share how you're feeling with me. I intend to do the same! Hang in there! We're gonna do this - some how, some way! Girl power!

[natailia3]

Hey! How are you feeling today???I am feeling better today. Its a holiday so no work. Don't know if thats good or bad. As far as obsessing over the pending test....
I was just reading over my paperwork from my clinic which says to do the Beta 14days past ER. For me thats Friday which I told you was a holiday here. And since it seems there is less than 20 units HCG in my blood (according to the HPTs) I am gong to wait until Monday. And most likely get the results Wedneday.
I wanted to ask you when your beta was? Did you say Monday?
Hope you are doing good today.

[Carlaliz]

I'm feeling pretty good today. Thanks for asking! And I'm glad that you are too.

I had a terrible dream last night that I was with a group on some vacation/tour thing (you know how dreams can be weird and/or vague) and we were going to go out to a club. We were sitting around drinking beer and I was thinking about how long it had been since I'd had any alcohol and how it was getting to me already. Then, I had to get up to go the bathroom. As I went to go, I looked and saw blood on my underwear and I knew that my drinking had made me loose the baby. I just started crying hysterically, totally hating myself for being so stupid as to drink beer, and wishing so badly that I could go back in time and do it differently. I was like begging God to reverse time and keep this from happening. It felt so real and so very awful..... Then, I woke up and I can't tell you the huge amount of relief that I felt when I realized that it was all just a dream. I was shaking and I rolled over and gave my husband the biggest hug. (Of course, he didn't wake up because he could sleep through a hurricane, but that's ok.) I think that dream must have been an expression of all my worry about doing everything just perfect. I really don't want to be the one responsible for this not working. Maybe it got all that anxiety out of my system for me. I don't know, but I sure hope there aren't any more of those!

No, I go in for my beta on Wed. morning. They said they should have my results by 1 pm. You'll do it Mon. but won't get results until Wed., right? I'm feeling more excited and less anxious abou next Wed. coming. I hope that you're feeling good about it too. I hope that you enjoy your day off! Relax lots - plenty for me too, ok?

[natailia3]

Hello hello... How are things going?? Any more anxiety dreams? I know what you mean. I sneezed twice the day of my transfer and I was so upset by it. Really, a sneeze upsetting me! Like walking on thin ice. Its a difficult 2 weeks to say the least.
Yesterday after my HPT I thought I saw a faint line, my husband saw it too.
I was feeling rather optomistic but today the HPT was blank again. I kinda have given up chances this round. But I am feeling okay about it. I know its not a 100% chance or even 50% chance to become pregnant.
I guess I was so worried about miscarrying that I wasn't concerned about becoming pregnant. IT seems getting pregnant was the easy part for us.
In a strange way I am relieved there is no pregnancy to loose. I know that sounds strange. Maybe just my minds way of coping.
My doctors seemed to be so sure this would work that they were asking if I wanted twins (I said no) because they said if you want twins, we will transfer 4 instead of 3. I was a bit nervous to transfer 3 and the whole time my husband kept saying, I know we will have 3. But alas, its the dreaded zero.
I do have the frozen ones and fingers crossed they make it for a transfer.
We are making a visit to the USA in June so I will wait until July to do anything. Our short term plans are to go to the beach for next weekend and try to have some fun and relax. I am sure drink a few glasses of wine.
I guess I will get my blood drawn Monday for the beta just because I need to do that. Won't be anxiously waiting the results. But I will be cheering for you and hoping you have the great success you deserve this time!

[Carlaliz]

Yes, I had another dream last night. It was just as real and just as horrible. It seemed like a long dream but I'll spare you all the details. Basically, I was pregnant (just beginning to show) and found out that my husband was repeatedly cheating on me and didn't really want me or our baby. Talk about devestated! It was another one where I woke up so relieved to find out it was a only a dream that I wanted to cry. When I told him about it this morning, he got really upset and hugged me for about 5 min. He hates me having these awful dreams as much as I hate having them. I wonder if it's the shots that are making it happen. I'll have to ask the nurse. Anyways, other then that, things are the same. I haven't been feeling any pains or discomfort, other then bloating and fatigue, and I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad one. I guess we'll know on Wed.

I'm really, really sorry to hear about the HPT. Are you sure that that means it's a done deal? I want to keep hope alive for you! I agree that you should go ahead and do the beta just so you know 100%.
I do understand what you mean about not having to worry about loosing a pregnancy now. Having miscarriages does show you that. It's almost better to never get excited and start making plans at all. Having them all end abruptly is just terrible, so I really do understand what you mean. I will say that I'm really impressed with how well you seem to be handling it. I'm worried that bad news will leave me in hysterics. I'm amazed at how even and clear-headed you seem to be about it all. You're my new role model! Of course, you do have the hope of those extra embryos and that's a good, helpful thing. And it's really nice that you'll have a weekend at the beach to look forward to. I hope that you guys have the most wonderful and relaxing time ever!

Thanks for cheering for me! We need all of that that we can get! Let's be sure to let each other know the outcomes of the beta tests when we can, ok? I'll be thinking of you......

[natailia3]

I feel like i am trapped on some hideous ride and cannot get off!!
I threw in the towel on my cycle Friday. I was coping and feeling ok about it.
I figured even if I didn't get pregnant, I was a successful cycle. I got a good number of eggs, a good number fertilized and were good quality, etc.
I stopped the progesterone Saturday and thought AF was going to happen that day, or the next but it didn't so this morning, I took another HPT and it was not super strong but the strongest line I have gotten.These are super sensitive (detects 20 units of hcg) but cheap bulk type. I know you hate HPTs and now I can see why! My husband told me I better get back on progesterone so I did and went to a clinic to do a Beta HCG quantative not qualitive because that is all I can get here in my area on the same day. Its just a simple yes or no am not holding on to hope that its going to be good news really but I guess its natural to want to think...maybe....uggg the emotional roller coast still!
Mostly I am reseaching FETs and what to do for that.
I have thyroid antibodies and endometriosis so I am thinking I should try steroid to keep inflamation and anitbodies down. I don't think my problem is with the embryos. It must be me.
Did you go through immuno testing? APA, ANA, Nkcells, etc?
I did as much as I can here but have been reading alot about it and think I may have not gotten as good of testing as they do in some USA clinics.

Are you excited about the day after tomorrow??? Its coming up soon! I will be crossing my fingers for you? Any intuitions yet??

[Carlaliz]

That is crazy! I'm glad that you went back on the progesterone. I don't think that your done with this cycle just yet! When will you get your beta results back - today? If I understand correctly, you'll just get a "yes" or "no", right? Then will you send some blood away for the rest of the info. or not worry about it? Infertility is a crazy ride, isn't it? It's definitely not for the faint of heart!

So, I woke up this morning and had a little bit of spotting. It wasn't much, and I'm not feeling much cramping (if any), but I didn't like seeing it and I called into work. I'm also feeling dizzy here and there. I probably did too much this weekend and am trying to make up for it by doing nothing but sleep and lay around today. I'm gonna go to acupuncture this afternoon in case that can help too. I'll admit that I did panic and that probably didn't help. Anyways, I called the nurse and tried to explain it as best I could over the phone. She said that spotting is common in early pregnancy and on a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being the worst), this is probably a 2. That made me feel soooooo much better! She said if it doesn't taper off tomorrow, I might want to stay home one more day. If it's gone, I can go. I think it's more to help make me feel better then anything. Regardless, she went ahead and moved my beta test to tomorrow morning. She said one day won't make a difference, other then to give me peace of mind - one way or the other. So that's where we are now.

As for intuition, I normally "feel" things and am right about them. Now, I don't know. From the beginning, I thought it was all "a go" and we were finally gonna have our success - especially after we got that 8! Now, I'm not so sure. I guess tomorrow we'll know for sure...... Scary...... Of course, I've learned that even a good beta doesn't guarantee you won't have a miscarriage. It will definitely help my anxiety, though!

So, I'm still having these crazy dreams! I've dreamt that my house was a total wreck, trash everywhere, and people I've never met before, and needed to impress, had come over. I was soooooo embarrassed and angry! CJ and I are neat freaks and this was so stressful.... I had another one that I was in the ocean, a wave knocked me down, and I kept getting flipped around and couldn't get up to breath. I woke up gasping for breath. Those are just two more examples. I had a funny dream too and CJ said I woke him up laughing. Normally, I'm lucky to have one dream a month that I remember afterwards. I'm having them almost nightly now - and they seem so real! Weird. Wonder if it's the progesterone?

Yes, I had all that immuno testing done in Nov., in an effort to see if there was an explanation, besides anxiety, for my miscarriages. There's a Dr. Coulam (she has a link on the discussion boards) who's supposed to be like one of the pioneers with that kind of thing or something. The testing with her was recommended to me by the founder of INCIID. Anyways, I shipped her our blood, she tested it, and did a phone consultation with me. I was negative for everything. No killer cells or any of that. What all have you had done? Are you thinking about doing the testing again in the US?

Please let me know as soon as you get your results, ok? I'll do the same. I'm hoping and praying that we both get the news we want so badly to hear! Good luck!!!!

[natailia3]

my result was indeterminate. not positive not negative. there was a very low level of HCG which I guess is negative. I think I read that this test is positive with over 25 and negative of less than 5 so I am between 6 and 24 units of HCG I will keep up the POAS for a few more days I guess.
I guess worst case sinario would be a late AF because of the progesterone.

Good luck tomorrow. I was so excited to see you are going in tomorrow.

I am considering more testing. There is so much information out there its hard to know what to do. Would like to discuss this more with you but I am running out the door.
Just wanted to say good luck tomorrow!

[Carlaliz]

The spotting has been better today - kinda hit or miss. I've been feeling a bit crampy in my abdomen this afternoon, though. Going to acupuncture again today to help take care of that since it seemed to help with the spotting. Anyways, I went in at 8:30 for my beta and was all nerves. The nurse said she'd call me around 11:00 today. I decided that I'd just take today off work too. Try to get rid of this spotting/cramping once and for all. Plus, if it's bad news, I won't want to be at work. So, I drove the hour home and tried to relax as I waited for the call. It came at 11:15 and..... it was positive!!!!!!! Even though I took it a day early, it was still pretty strong at 143. I go back on Thurs. afternoon and they hope to see that it's about doubled. I hope so too! We've had positive betas both times before, but this one is definitely higher then it was the first time. Unfortunately, I can't seem to remember the last one. Anyways, we're trying not to get too excited just yet because we know how abruptly things can change for the worst. Still, we're very happy to be off the starting block at least. I'm gonna do my best to only focus on the positive and EXPECT things to be nothing but good. Hopefully, this will help. The nurse said that the spotting and slight cramping could be due to implantation. She also said that I may have it off and on and should adjust my activity level accordingly. Anyways, that's where we are for now. It's nice to have some good news. Anything new with you? What's your gameplan from here - another blood test or just wait and see? I'm still wishing you lots of luck!!!!

[natailia3]

I have been thinking of you all day and wondering....so so happy happy happy to hear your good news!!! Thats a great strong number too.
Thank goodness one of us got a postive! And I think this time its going to work for you! I know after losing pregnancies its difficult not to worry but this is your time!! This is going to be the one! So just go and enjoy it and no more anxiety dreams and stress...you are a pregnant woman now.
I am so happy for you. Enjoy it take care of yourself (I know you will) and keep me updated! Guess we need to start a new thread???

[natailia3]

wishing you luck tomorrow!
my crazy adventure never seems to end. this morning I planned to take my final HPT expecting one single line but got 2! Could this be late implantation?? Today is 14dp3dt (I think). The line wasn't as strong as the control but stronger than the other past lines. Its so strange.
I shipped off my blood for a proper Beta and discovered that my test this Monday was sent off for a Beta as well. So Friday I will have 2 numbers, 2 days apart. I if I had to guess, they would be 8 and 20. Not great numbers but if there was such a low level monday with nothing going on, I think the test would be totally negative.
ITs been a hard week. I am trying to stay away from the internet these days driving myself crazy reading about number in the 100's. Only time will tell.
I am kinda relieved that SOMETHING happened. That at least one attached and at least began growing.

Good luck tomorrow, I bet you will have great results and you can sleep peacefully!

[Carlaliz]

Wow - you are having quite the roller coaster ride! I had a similar one my first time. I had a period a day or two before my first beta. I went in anyway and my # was very low. They had me come back two days later expecting it to be 0, but it had doubled. Still low, but it had increased. To make a long story short, it continued to grow. We saw the heartbeat and everything. Because it was always a little small, they continued to see me weekly. At about 9 or 10 weeks, though, the heartbeat had stopped and I had to have a D&C. I think that I was WAY too stressed and worried the whole time and that's why it didn't make it. I think that if you relax and think only positive thoughts, it will happen for you. Visualize what you want to happen. I learned to do that in gymnastics and I read it online on a site that listed the top 10 things to do to help IVF work. I also read that there are many cases of really low betas resulting in a pregnancy and a baby in the end. What about acupuncture? It might help too. I can't wait to hear what your next beta says. Please keep me posted! I told you that I didn't think this ride was over for you yet! I'm feeling hopeful....

I am sleeping more peacefully, other then getting up to pee twice during the night. I guess it was anxiety. I'm dying to know what today's beta shows. I must say that I'm having some queasiness in the mornings now. I've never had that before. I'm scared to get too excited just yet. I think that if this is a good beta, I'll feel better. If I make it one month with no bleeding, I'll feel like I've passed a milestone and will start to celebrate a little. Of course, I won't really be able to get excited until I pass that 3 month mark. I'm hoping and praying that this third time was the charm! We'll see.....

I'm thinking of you! Please continue to update me and try to relax. I think good things are gonna happen!

[Carlaliz]

Ok, so I just got the results of our second beta. Our nurse said that they like to see them double every 48 hours. However, anything close to a 60% rise is good. Well, ours came in at 343!!!! I'm no mathematician, but I'm pretty positive that that's more then double! I can't believe it! If this is a dream, I don't want to wake up! I really can't believe that after 5 years, and several failures, we're finally getting to experience this. It's amazing! I kinda figured that they were higher because I've started having a little morning sickness over the past day or two and I've never had that before - even with they cycle that made it to 9 or 10 weeks. Still, I wasn't sure and didn't want to get too hopeful. And I'm still scared to get too excited just yet, but it's kinda hard right now. I'm just in shock that we're actually getting this kind of good news. When I left our clinic, the doctor congratulated me and all the nurses and receptionists ran over to hug me. It made me feel really good to know that they were rooting for us like that. The next step is to wait to weeks (Ugh- again!) and go in for our first ultrasound. They should see the gestational sac(s) and heartbeat(s) telling us how many and how they're developing. This is gonna be a longer 2 weeks then the last time, I think. I just can't wait to pass that milestone and hope and pray that we do! Thank God for baby asprin, acupuncture, and assisted hatching! I just can't believe it..... Wow..... Any news with you? I hope that you'll have some good news to share as well and can't wait to hear it!

[natailia3]

Horray horray! What great news! I know nobody WANTS morning sickness but it means you got lots of pg hormones running through you so its a good thing! I am so so happy for you. I know these next weeks are going to be tough but things look so so good for you. And your attitude was been super and positive and like you said, the acupunture and who knows what, maybe the perfect embryo just snuggled in there and took off. I will be waiting to see if its twins! I think that would be great! And good thing you got summer vacation to sit back and relax. You will be extremely tired the first 3 months so that is great. Nap every day and get plenty of rest. You are so strong not to take those HPTs! I don't know how you did it!!

I beleive I am holding the worlds record for longest pregancy failure in the world. Still getting lines, but about half as strong as the control. I don't have any hope for a happy ending but wonder why my body won't just reset itself to zero and go on with AF. My husband thinks I want it so bad my body is tricking myself.
I am ok with this. Like I said, I am happy to know SOMETHING happened after the transfer. And I got those 3 embryos.
And my husband and I talked about IVF#2 if FET fails.
That makes me feel sooooo much better. I was feeling like we had one shot only. So, my odds are still good. I had a good number of eggs and embryos.

Congrats on the great numbers! Enjoy the bliss of being a pregnant woman. Its the most wonderful experience in the world!

Will be waiting to hear how the US goes and how many kids you will have!!