School situation - opinions please

[amarie1]

Short verison. A classmate of my DS (9 yo)started a rumor that my DS had removed his private parts from his pants and said peek a boo. The girl has home life issues and has a lot challenges in her life. None of the school personnel believed that this happened as it is completely out of character. The little girl was reprimanded by the principal for starting rumors and that is how it was left.

What I want opinions on is, should I ask the school to document that this was a unfounded rumor or just leave it be. I don't know what I am hoping to accomplish with documentation. I am being paranoid that some day down the line when my DS isn't in 4th grade but a young man, that someone else will bully him in this way just because he is the easy target and this false accusation could be used against him. He has a lot of traits of PDD-NOS but not the dx which is an entirely different post. Does he grab himself at school, sure I think like most boys his age. But I've never been told that it is a problem and it seems that he meets with half of the school staff on a daily basis. What do you think? Thanks

Anne

[Troy]

I would ask the school if this is something that will be documented in any record that follows him to any other school. If the answer is no, I would let it drop. If the answer is yes, then I would want it documented that it was unfounded. A note that something was alleged to have happend but couldn't be documented will raise more suspicions than no documentation at all, and it is unlikely that you will be able to control what language is used (e.g., "unfounded" or "not proven"). It's like my friend who told a private school that her son had been tested but found not to have ADD -- and the school immediately thought, well, there was some reason why he was tested to begin with and that was enough to deny him admission.

[BriNJ]

If the school is going to write anything about this down in his file, yes, have them add language that said it was an unfounded rumor or lie. If they arent going to write it down- which I doubt they willl as they treated it as a rumor and reprimanded the girl instead of an investigation- then I'd just let it drop.

[danellsar]

If the school was going to document this, you would have received written notification. If this were in any way verified, it would constitute sexual harassment, and would be a mandated suspension of several days. Since your son has not been suspended, and in fact the other child was reprimanded, I think it's reasonable to assume that there is no lasting documentation. However, I would ask the principal if this generated an office referral, and if there was documentation. I think you'd be well within your rights to ask them to get rid of anything that is in writing to indicate your son might have done this, even though it was later found to be a false accusation.
Ellen

[angeleena]

I'd let it drop. It might be difficult to let it go, but that is what I would do.

Angi

[angeleena]

What ever came of this?

[amarie1]

I let it drop

When asked the principal told me that no record or report was made. I am still conflicted about it, part of me still wants to go on record and the other part feels that I have bigger battles to fight (IEP meeting first week of Oct.), but it is over and done now. DS doesn't know the nature of the rumor.

One previous time over the summer DS, this classmate and a shared friend were playing together at the girls house. When the friend went next door to check in with her mom the classmate physically restrained DS and would not let him leave. Needless to say DS is not allowed (nor does he want to) have anything to do with her. Unfortunately they are in the same classroom and he has to interact with her daily. I am trying to figure out the best way to manage that.

I am ashamed to say this but I am still very angry at the little girl and I am finding it difficult to let those feelings go. I'll know I have to as the bad feelings will only hurt me but I'm not there yet.

Anne