Another ESY question, sorta counterintuitive.

[Patrice1]

Hi all, thanks to your kind replies to my first ESY question. I gave the short version of our saga; it's been a nightmare of a year, but we are keeping our fingers crossed for ds.

Anyway, we had our meeting, and everyone recommended ESY, which is a five-week program that combines kids from all of the alternative classrooms in a multi-district collaborative. It's low-key, but it does include academics. They feel strongly that ds will regress without it.

Here's our dilemma. DS gets very anxious in new situations, takes a while to transition. He also, as I said before, is school phobic and doesn't particularly like school. We are not worried about him academically even though he continues to struggle with reading and writing. He's gifted, and we think the language arts issues are related to his anxiety, and that it will come, all in good time. He's a year ahead in math, so that's not a worry.

He just spend a very low-key week at home for spring vacation. It was fascinating to see him begin to unwind and relax the further he got away from school. It was literally visible in his body. He was so easygoing, so happy, his typical charming self. So here's the dilemma: With a kid like this, who really needs a break, will ESY be counterproductive? I fear he will take half the time to transition (which hasn't been pretty in the past, trust me) and then the summer will be over. He tends to perseverate, and I wouldn't be surprised if he is very angry about this and blames dh and i for the next 20 years!

Hope I'm being clear. I do think he will regress in terms of school phobia with a long summer break. I also think, however, that ESY will increase his anxiety and, perhaps, add to the school phobia, if that makes sense. I asked if we could be flexible, maybe send him for three weeks, and the district got its hackles up (we're paying for it, blah, blah, blah).

Sorry this got long. Any advice? I know it seems strange when so many people are fighting for services that we are being offered something but aren't sure it's the best option for our kid. Any experience? I've called a friend in special ed in another district, hope he can shed light on this particular program.

TIA.

[dlp]

My school district has a similar ESY program, except it is only 20 school days in July (school ends late June, starts late August). My dd did ESY last year in her Pre-K class. Every child districtwide was at the same locale ( school that during the year is a general attendance school AND specialize in medically fragile kids) and it was about 20 or so kids in her class with 2 Sp Ed teachers and 4 aids. It wasn't very academic, but it seemed to be fun (some water play, puppet shows, etc.) and therapies still got worked in.

Sooo... in a lower key enviroment the aniexy might not be the same, or you may get a better clue as to actually what is\are his trigger(s). And it keeps the exposure up so if part of it is to keep the sensatization up, ESY accomplishes it.

If you didn't do ESY, what other activities could be done at home in those 5 weeks? Outings to zoos, museum, planatarium and the like or just hang out around the house?

At the end of the day, you know your kid best and going with your gut is rarely wrong.

[danellsar]

What about something "non school" that would still hit his needs. For example, here there are many private speech and language centers, or OT centers, that do classes. You can sign up for social skills and other classes based on your child's needs, and they are 1-2x a week with a group. So you are still helping him to keep up with his therapies, but it's an alternate setting. Also, there are usually day camps that have staff who are trained to work with SN kids, since there are so many adhd and autism kids nowadays. Those are fun environments with lots of other kids, definitely not school, but still places where he could get lots of practice on social interaction and such.

I think if my kid were that school phobic, I'd avoid the ESY. Remember, as the parent, you have the right to say NO.
Ellen

[Patrice1]

Thanks, you raise some good points

I really appreciate your suggestions. There probably are places where we could get him that kind of help, and if it were the right environment, with the right relationships, he might warm up to it easily. Money is an issue, of course, and I wish there were more flexible alternatives for some kind of summer services that didn't resemble "school." Sigh. I know it sounds so crazy to be resistant to getting their services, but they are so rigid in insisting that we have to sign on for the entire five weeks. It's in a different school, we can't see it in advance, and he really doesn't like change or surprises. This is a kid who has been to three different schools in one year. He feels as if he's been rejected over and over again. He had a great year last year in a general ed classroom, totally fit in, barely missed a day. The district has sent all these signals that they don't want him back (sent all his stuff home with older dd in a plastic bag one day, including a folder that they usually present to the kids at eighth grade graduation -- he's seven years old!). My gut tells me we need to find something else and just pay for it, but if he has trouble in September, they will make it our fault for not listening.

Sorry, this is a weird situation, given how so many people on this board have been fighting to get what they need! We feel as if our district has been doing everything they can to throw alternative placements and services at us just because they just want to get rid of our kid, who really craves a nurturing environment in his home community where he is accepted for who he is. He's lost touch with all of his friends and feels completely rejected. Thanks for understanding my gut instinct.

I am really happy that I joined this board! Still not sure what to do, but it is so nice knowing that others are out there who get it, even as we face different challenges.

[danellsar]

Patrice- I don't know everything, but I know that a public school district cannot just "throw alternative placements" at you without giving you a very strong justification for why. IDEA calls for the child to be placed in the least restrictive environment, as agreed on by the whole IEP team. That means that you, as the parent, get a veto if you think that moving him is not in his best interest. There are tons of ways they can provide FAPE in a general ed setting if that's what is the right thing for the child.

I would say that you need to push them a little harder to get him the correct services and the correct placement. Check out the wrightslaw website (I think it's wrightslaw.com or .org, not sure which). As the parent, you hold ALL the power over where your child will be placed once he is on an IEP.

Hang in there. You know what's right for your child!!!
Ellen

[Laura H1]

...but if he has trouble in September, they will make it our fault for not listening.

If that happens, then I'd just brush it off. You DO know what is best for your child all around and as a whole.

I'm homeschooling now, so perhaps it's easy for me to say: "Skip the ESY."

I'm homeschooling b/c I was tired of fighting the school... eventhough we finally got most of what he needed, it was uncomfortable... plus I had another child (neuro-typical) that was anxious about school... growing up, I was anxious about school... I so wish I could have been homeschooled... so that is why I'm doing it now... I feel very lucky to be able to do this right now...

I think a more relaxed, at-home environment is what your ds needs... I so looked forward to summers where I did not have to "conform" to school routines...

also, at 7, your ds is still pretty young... reading takes longer for some (i.e., my neuro-typical 6yo dd is behind even with me homeschooling)...

bottom line? don't feel pressured by the school to do anything... do what you think is best, keeping the whole child in mind...
Laura

[Patrice1]

Laura, can you tell me more??

Thanks so much! I don't know your ds' situation, but I am so happy that homeschooling is working out! Trust me, I've thought about this since Day One. Can you tell me a little more about your situation and how it is working (although you sound very pleased!)?

Background: From the beginning, in kindergarten, we felt it was the school, not ds. He's sensitive, creative, has sensory issues, is profoundly gifted in some areas, struggles in others. "School," as it exists today, is way too rigid for him. His K teacher didn't recognize his extraordinary abilities and only saw his struggles. It was horrible. He withdrew at first, then did whatever he could to get out of there. We viewed it as the school being too rigid for a bright, yet special kid. In Grade 1, he had a fabulous, magical teacher who appreciated him, and he did great, so we stopped focusing on how rigid the school system is. This year, he lost it on the second day of school. We've been shuttling him around ever since. The alternative class he is in now focuses on the behavior, but I'm now realizing that we should go back to our original belief that public school just doesn't work for a kid like him! The behavior starts at school, not at home. It only manifests itself when he gets anxious about school! It does seep into the home, but only after it starts in school, and it's totally an expression of the anxiety he feels during the day. And lately all he has been saying is how bored he is and how much he hates school.

So. I also have two typically developing kids (both precocious in different ways, older ds has been bored out of his mind in school but is very resilient and has been blessed with an amazing teacher this year; and older dd who just loves the routine of school despite the fact that she isn't challenged). Older ds would LOVE to be home schooled. Older dd (btw, they are twins) is awkward socially but has managed to make a few friends and would really miss the routine.

Can we do this? Do you think it would help my special needs ds to get out of the pressure and be home schooled? As I said earlier, they are offering services for "behavior," but now that I am realizing that they are not focusing on why he is so frustrated! Your response really brought me back to our initial reaction to his struggles, and maybe he is one of those kids who just cannot cope in school as it exists today.

Thanks for reading this far. As you can tell, we are going back and forth on what to do. I work at home, so I could possibly make this work, but it would be a challenge.

Patti

[trek]

PATTI~It is true that Public School is not the best for every child and in tough economic times it is tough. Is there not a Montessori based school nearby? My friend IRL has a son who sounds similiar to your son though he has a LD in reading. He has just about made it through a complete school finally after 4 years of floundering in public school, several top notch Atlanta private schools.

What about cyber school does your state offer it? I am thinking of it for my youngest Holt who has an IEP but looks like is twice exceptional-going through gifted testing now as a kindergartner. He has put together a written proposal and has been lobbying since school started last July to be home-schooled fro 1st The way our cyber is run is to allow services for IEP and for gifted. The actual work looks too easy for 1st grade from what I see but than I can supplement with extensive studies cross-curriculum and add in Field Trips.

My oldest who is 11 suffers from pretty severe anxiety-vomitting, flipping out, insomnia loves the rigidity of public school-the bus ride, the schedule to the minute, the routine. It is weekends, holidays, outings after school and on weekends, over breaks that have a child falling apart.

ESY is not as structured at least in our district.

[Patrice1]

Your younger ds is a character! Next thing you know, he will have a Power Point presentation on why he should be home schooled. It is interesting how different kids are: routine is oppressive for some, a huge relief for others. My dd loves the routine, because it eases her shyness; older ds hates routine and loves a loose classroom that allows lots of socializing; younger ds hates all of it!

We don't have cyber here, which sounds like a helpful way to home school. Will you be home schooling and using their cyber instruction? Will you continue to get IEP services?

We have thought about Montessori and about another school we found for gifted kids that accepts a few kids who are twice exceptional. They are both a bit of a commute (plus $, but not as steep as the elite prep schools). The main worry is that he might not do well, which would contribute to his feelings of failure. Also, we're not sure either school will accept him, since he has had such a rocky year. I looked at Montessori after his kindergarten year, and the admissions person told me not to worry about the forms from the school. "We take them with a grain of salt, because often the public school is why people are coming to us in the first place." !!! Perhaps I will call them, might be too late for next year, but it's worth a shot. We are also considering home schooling, but keep going back and forth on what's best for him.

Thanks for your input and good luck!

[trek]

I completely understand about distance and $ being a factor w/ Private Schools. Plus, if things do not work out you usually out a lot of $. We do have special ed vouchers in GA that can be used toward private schools but it not even a quarter of most of the tuition costs. For my older son he loves to ride a school bus to and from school so driving him an hour each way would not be met well. But his rigidity is the main thing keeping me from homeschooling him- I do not think I could provide enough structure for him at home. I have tried during breaks, weekends, summer but I cannot have a bell beeping every hour or so.

I have not made a final decision about Cyber or homeschooling for my youngest. I am waiting to see about whether he tested well enough for the gifted program. But if Cyber is still available and he did not test well enough than I will homeschool him for 1st grade. IEP services are also offered and I ahve heard they are better.

Definitely check out Montessori, I know my friends ds did not even start until 3 weeks after school started this school year. For him it has been the right fit. He does have a facilitator at school helping him. If you are truly interested email me through INCIID and I know my friend would share info with you. The small class size has been key, plus more child led learning, less structure, very willing to think out side the box for accommodations that work