question about 1st communion...

[lala22]

I'm not catholic, but DH's family is. DH has been on the outs with the religion for many reasons and i'm not going to go into them. BUT, we have put our kids into religous ed and our first will go through first communion this year.

Apparently there should be a large party/celebration/gifts after the event and DH doesn't want to have anything to do with it. He doesn't want a party and definately doesn't want people purchasing religous gifts for ds.

Now, DH has been the go to guy for all the current church and religous ed, but this is just not what he wants (the party)

Can i get some other suggestions so i help ds celebrate, help DH's family celebrate and not just move on from the event?

TIA

[Reese14]

We did a small luncheon at our house

DH is catholic and I am not. When we got married we decided to raise our children catholic. I'm not sure I am still happy with that decision but I won't go into that.

DS really loved his religious ed classes and loved going to church. He was excited about his communion and we just had immediate family (20-25) people at our home afterwards for a luncheon. It was very low key (from what we usually do--big parties) but made him feel special and he got to celebrate his milestone with his aunts and cousins.

[BriNJ]

Well, i think your DH needs to be realistic and know that if people want to buy gifts, there is no way to stop them. And telling them no religious gifts is rude because it is a religious event.

I thoink your best bet if your DH feels so strongly and you dont have any attachment to the sacrament, that you keep it to immediate family only and not invite others-. If only you, dh and the children attend, will that cause a problem? And if so, will that be an issue for you? It is customary for family to gather after communion for a meal or party (some are over the top) and for gifts to be given. If communion is important to your son though, you really need to think of who's needs are more important- your DH's or your son's? Keeping to just the 4 of you serves your DH but does it serve your DS?

In our case, because of family issues with my inlaws, we chose to keep things low key but realized that what we were doing was unfair to DS. We then asked what HE wanted, because what his parents wanted came second. He wanted a small party- so thats what we did. We had the communion in the morning, went out for brunch with my inlaws and then met the rest of the family again for dinner at a small restaurant. We had a cake and then went home. Low key, yes- but it made DS happy. And Im so happy we did it, I konw that we would've regretted it.

I think you'll need to decide who this event is about and what they need/want/deserve. Your son deserves to be able to celebrate his communion without his father's issues interfering- after all, you did put him in religious ed. Maybe ask your son who he would like there and start from that. A party doesnt have to be ridiculous or over the top- it just needs to be about him and the event. And as an adult who has been on the "outs" with religion, Ive found that this was the perfect opportunity to deal with it- which has been good for everyone (our church acknowledged that many in our age group have religion issues due to teachings from our childhood which were not appropriate etc and actually asked us to work through them - i was shocked to read the packet but it really was helpful to me and to DH who isnt religious at all and for my own life, its helped tremendously to drop those bad ideas I had).

I hope you find a way to deal with this! And good luck finding a suit- who knew it could be so hard (though DS's is adorable and I love it and am sad he has no reason to wear it again!)?

Bri

[Allegro]

changed my mind.

[jersey-jen]

Our DS is in religious ed at our local parish, too - he will make his 1st communion next year - I don't plan on having a large party - just family (which is actually a lot of people, but I don't plan on inviting friends or neighbors, which I know some people around here do).

Your family will have to decide what is right for you - including asking your ds what he would like - a party at home w/ family, a special dinner or lunch w/ just your immediate family, etc.

Good luck!

[cherie]

We took our immediate family out to lunch after DS's communion. You do what you want. It is a personal choice.

[kd1]

What does your son want?

That should be your deciding factor. DH and kids are Catholic, but I'm not. We aren't very religious people, but my kids do Religious Ed. We had a small party for my son after his First Communion. There were maybe 15 -20 people at my house after church. You can't control what people buy, so if he gets any religious items and doesn't want them, he can throw them out or give them away. Except for maybe 2 items, my son got money.

[Pleaky]

Hmmm

I'm not catholic, but DH's family is. DH has been on the outs with the religion for many reasons and i'm not going to go into them. BUT, we have put our kids into religous ed and our first will go through first communion this year.

Apparently there should be a large party/celebration/gifts after the event and DH doesn't want to have anything to do with it. He doesn't want a party and definately doesn't want people purchasing religous gifts for ds.

Now, DH has been the go to guy for all the current church and religous ed, but this is just not what he wants (the party)

Can i get some other suggestions so i help ds celebrate, help DH's family celebrate and not just move on from the event?

TIA

Well, I would consider myself to be a lapsed Catholic, so I certainly get the conflicted feelings that your DH has, but I don't understand banning religious gifts or a celebration (although I think that can be a low key thing). Religious gifts ARE the things you receive for 1st communion (I still have my first rosary). Honestly, if you don't believe in the sacrament (and again, I totally get that) I'm not understanding going through with the ceremony. I think DH needs to come to terms with his issues and not cast a shadow over an important milestone in a young Catholic's life. I hope I'm not being harsh, but it just seems that your young one is getting shortchanged.

Pleaky

[lhawkin]

What we did...

...we don't have any family that even lives within 500 miles of us, so after my triplets 1st Holy Communion last year we went out to their favorite restaurant for brunch right after the ceremony, then surprised them with a bounce house/obstacle course that we rented for the day all set up in our backyard when we got home. They LOVED it!! Plus, it was cheaper than throwing a party. HTH.

Hugs,
Lynne

[zoeyz]

We just had a small brunch with family only. DS got a few religious gifts, but nothing major (no money and nothing extravagant). I can see not wanting any gifts and wanting to keep celebration low key, but not sure I understand the objection to religious gifts in particular. A First Communion is religious, there is no getting around that.

[annieb]

We had a lunch with our family and very close friends.. Ended up being about 50 ppl... I cooked at home and had a nice time. Ppl gave her some religious stuff and picture frames and some ppl gave her money / gift cards.

It was such a special day for us all. My whole family flew in from MN to CA to attend it and our some of our close friends (that are not even Christian) drove from a very very long distance to be there (in excess of 100 miles). Each and every single one of our friends made it to the church and stayed for the whole service and for the reception the church did afterwards and then came home to have lunch at our place. I was very touched with how many ppl changed their plans and went out of their way to come and be with us on that very special day.

If you don't want to have a party, just at least invite your close family. Not trying ot be mean, but that day is about your child and him/her receiving the body of Christ and a day for him be the star and feel special.

So, my advice is, however little it might be, do something to celebrate. It is a big deal in my books.. :D

Las

[val36]

We are probably just going to take DS

out to lunch afterwards. No family nearby- and no money for a party!

Valerie