Christmas Spirit?

[jvirginia]

So, I honestly really don't like Christmas - it is something to get through while trying to avoid anyone (esp. my kids) being disappointed. Tonight I was decorating the tree by myself - I really hoped we'd all do it together with some nice choral music on to get in the mood, but DH was watching a movie and ignored my request, and then the kids ended up watching it with them. So, I could either make a fuss, or just do it, which I did. I need to decorate and hang the wreaths tomorrow and do any other decorating that needs to me done. I guess I wonder - who am I doing this for? If it were up to DH nothing would be done for the holiday, except maybe some last minute guilty shopping. If DH and the kids can't be bothered to help, do they really care that much? As I put up the decorations I mostly thought about having to take them down again in 3 weeks, and what a pain it all is.

Anyone else as joyless and grumpy as I am? I am glad that the kids do get excited (mostly about presents, but also about relatives and some of the special meals we have) or I'd be a total Scrooge.

[Dani]

Seriously, there's so much pressure around this holiday.

It's the one holiday that has to be perfect: decorations, food, cards, gifts, tips, music, parties... it's all very nice but so much work!!!

I wonder how we (as a society) got to this point. It would be an interesting sociology project.

If no one in your house seems to care (or want to contribute, anyway), I say next year go away for Christmas. If visiting family stresses you out, then take a vacation somewhere on your own. Then, no need to decorate, bake or host and the trip is the gift!

[fatcat]

i'm sort of indifferent.

dh and I don't exchange gifts, we buy whatever, whenever so then we can't justify presents or simply don't need anything.

my kids put up the tree last weekend with dh while I was out doing errands. Its only a 4 foot fake tree - it took them about a half hour total.

I'm good about buying gifts mostly all before thanksgiving and do almost zero mall shopping. I think compared to most, we are low budget with gifts too.

I'll decorate a gingerbread house with the kids next weekend - just an excuse to pig out on candy. My idea of making christmas cookies is buying a roll of sugar cookie dough from the supermarket, cutting it into slices, and having the kids sprinke colored sugar crystals on it.

that's about it for me.

[freddy]

If DH and the kids can't be bothered to help, do they really care that much? As I put up the decorations I mostly thought about having to take them down again in 3 weeks, and what a pain it all is.

Anyone else as joyless and grumpy as I am? I am glad that the kids do get excited (mostly about presents, but also about relatives and some of the special meals we have) or I'd be a total Scrooge.

I enjoy all the excitement, but I didn't put out any more decorations that necessary this year, because I just kept thinking about the other side of it and putting all the junk away. I enjoy getting it all out, but cleaning up is kind of a a drag.

[julied]

Well, my husband deployed 5 months ago to Afghanistan so that certainly takes a little excitement out of it (well, let's be honest...most of it is gone)...but we're traveling to San Diego on Wed until Jan 5, so I didn't do any decorating this yr. I put out the kids Mickey Mouse village that they like (although they're already bored with it) and hung their stockings....we're gone for too long for me to go through the effort on my own. I'm looking forward to getting there as my ILs will help me relax, but very stressed right now trying to get everything in order to leave. I just keep focusing on DH's return which should be late Jan...the quicker we get through all this holiday stuff, the quicker he'll be home. Generally the holidays are little anti-climactic...expectations always seem to be set too high so I've learned to keep them low and it's gotten to be more enjoyable as I do better meeting the lower expectations. I do think the kids will be pretty excited as they're all getting DSis which they've been wanting for awhile....

[HethD]

Some ideas...

I admit I'm not a Christmas grump. I love to put up the things that mean the most to me, like our nativity scene, the stockings and the front door wreath. I do all those things myself. I used to put up my whole snowman collection, but at this point in my life it just doesn't need to happen. So, our decorating is minimal even though I love Christmas.

That's my first idea for you - don't go overboard with the decorating if it's just going to bring you down.

As for the tree, I do have dh on my side with regards to the tree, but mostly just as the enforcer (enforcing that it's time to decorate as a family, but not doing much more than sitting there with us). This is where traditions come in and I don't think it's too late to make traditions still for your boys. I usually bribe the kids a bit with hot cocoa and cookies before we decorate so they're a little more agreeable than usual. They still have some attitude, because, well, they're teenagers (17, 17, 15 & 14). They don't like my Christmas music and they make rude comments to each other while they decorate, but hey, they're not perfect. Our youngest still enjoys it (8yo) and I think the others secretly like hanging the ornaments they've made or received over the years. It's not a Norman Rockwell scene, but it is our traditional tree-decorating time.

For your family, maybe focus more on the meals you enjoy together. Get the boys involved in their preparation. Don't put more pressure on yourself than you need to, just because you think you 'should' do it. Focus on what you do enjoy and that will be what your boys will remember years from now.

[northy]

i was just thinking the same thing... (m)

not only do i have to worry about the kids being disappointed, but it seems to be my job to make sure that all the rellies get to pick "wow" gifts for the kids, and if the kids don't say "wow", it's all my fault...

dh got the tree, wreath and things for the urns on the doorstep today - which of course cost a small fortune, and i just think i could care less...

mil is coming up next saturday for two weeks - do NOT get me started on this...

i've been trying to decide for the last 3 weeks whether i'm a doormat for agreeing to work thru the two weeks of christmas when everyone else and their dog is taking the time off, but i think it's just the easiest way to avoid as much of the deal as possible...

bah humbug...

[nmcd]

I wouldn't tolerate that

There are few things I get fierce about but doing the Xmas thing is one of them but then I love Xmas. Maybe your DH and sons sense that you don't love it.

If the tree and the wreaths don't do it for you guys, there's nothing to say that you can't do what really makes you all happy. There must be something you all love to do? Don't just go through the motions. Christmas doesn't have to be perfect,. It just has to work for you.

When I'm feeling discouraged about it all - which I sometimes do because there have been years where it was almost exactly as you describe here at my house, I get out The Grinch Who Stole Christmas and read it.

Never fails to fill me with joy and make me cry.

[SaraV]

I love CHristmas, but then every year for the past 4 years now I've wound up painfully crunched and feeling crappy about it, doing things half-assed that I meant to do properly.

I'm not done shopping. We're not going back to MI this year (again), when we thought we might be, so I need to mail stuff to everyone, and I'm not ready. I hate that part of not going home.

I keep accepting extra work outside of my usual hours from other profs. After the first two years I told myself I wouldn't do it -- and yet, every year I get these calls in late November with December deadlines and I feel like I have to do it to make sure I keep on these people's good sides in case layoffs start happening again....

SO I'm rushed and I haven't done a bunch of things I meant to do, and the house is a pigsty and I haven't invited anyone over for anything and we have NO decorations up AT ALL and rather than helping with any of this DH is playing Civilization, or doing Farmville on Facebook, so I get ticked at him and play games and watch TV too.....

And DH doesn't shop for his own family. I have to nag him about "what do you want to get for your dad? Your brother?" It's always bad, but this is the first year without his mother, which makes it worse. And I"m so busy trying to figure out what to do for his family that I blow off my family until the last minute and then can't find anything for my parents either. He'll say "Okay" to my suggestions but then not go ahead and order them, or go out and buy them during the many times he's got the car to himself and time to spend.

My goal for this week is to get out my Advent Wreath (its halfway through advent and I haven't even done that!), and get into the habit of lighting candles every evening, as the days get shorter and shorter coming down to the solstice, and put on some music that evokes the season, and try to relax and get into the mood. Oh, and finish the photobook that DH agrees is a great idea for his brother, but won't actually ever make the time to work on.

[kd1]

I'm not a fan of Christmas. There is too much work for one day and most of the work seems pointless. I do not decorate at all. DH puts up an artificial tree and the kids put ornaments on it. No other decorations get put up. First thing on December 26th, I take the ornaments off the tree and we're done. I hate buying gifts for the sake of buying gifts and having to make sure they have an equal amount of gifts and that there is a wow gift in there. My kids love Christmas and I try to make it special for them, but even when I'm doing the bare minimum, the workload is overwhelming. This is terrible, but I'm kind of looking forward to them no longer believing in Santa. I think that will take a ton of pressure off the holiday.

Yep, I'm Scrooge.

[sgd]

I enjoy all the excitement, but I didn't put out any more decorations that necessary this year, because I just kept thinking about the other side of it and putting all the junk away. I enjoy getting it all out, but cleaning up is kind of a a drag.

Me too.

I put the tree up by myself (and my 5 year old) - my older boys were out with friends and DH was on the couch, ignoring my attempts to get him to participate. DH did put the outdoor lights up the week before, only because our next door neighbors are the Griswold's and it was almost a competition between the two of them to see who could outdo one another.

I usually put a big village with houses, a train, people, etc., under the tree, but this year I didn't even bother. I kept on thinking about putting it all away, and just couldn't get into it.

In years past, the boys used to love sitting next to me as I pulled out each ornament one by one and told them when we got it, who made it, etc. The same with the village, the loved getting the houses out of their boxes and deciding the perfect place to set them up.

I guess its because of their ages, maybe dd is still too young at 5 to get all excited. She did love to put the ornaments on the tree (its our first year ever with a live tree), but her attention span was about a half hour before she was sitting next to DH on the couch asking if I was done yet.

[seals]

It does

[QUOTE=kd1;291695] This is terrible, but I'm kind of looking forward to them no longer believing in Santa. I think that will take a ton of pressure off the holiday.
[QUOTE]

My DSs don't believe any more (or at least the almost 9 yr old twins are only at about 10% belief) and it does make it so much easier to say "Santa may not be able to find that or that's too expensive for Santa to give" and they get what you mean instead of that pressure of having to provide it so that they don't loose that belief and magic. I hear you on that becuase I went through some stress filled Decembers in years past trying to get obsolete Thomas trains or Transformers and the like over several years.

But like everything else with kids, it's bittersweet.

Sue

[Reese14]

I've become a scrooge

It is just too much to do and I lose the enjoyment. I do all the shopping/wrapping and organizing for the holiday. Including DH's family. I am no where done shopping and don't have everything that I do have, wrapped. This causes me stress. We keep getting invited to these holiday parties, which I know is the POINT of the holiday season--joy and cheer--but there is no time to do everything and enjoy parties.

It doesn't help that Christmas will never be the same since we've lost so many loved ones in such a short time.

So yeah, I'm a scrooge. I put on a happy face and do what I am suppose to do, but don't feel joy in my heart.

Two years I had everything bought and wrapped by Dec 1st. It was my goal to do that so I could truly enjoy the holidays. It did work. I still ran out shopping and spent more money because I was done too early, but I didn't feel the stress of the holiday. We enjoyed parties and driving around looking at holiday lights and I didn't have to do lists racing through my mind. My goal next year will be to FINISH everything by Dec 1st. I have high hopes because DS will be in school 6 hours as opposed to 2.5 hours a day, which is so not easy to balance with Christmas preparations. So, I hope to not be a scrooge next year and start enjoying the season.

[MelanieOH]

My irritating response.

Happiness is a choice. If Christmas isn't working for you now, find a way to make it work.

DH does nothing for Christmas, so I hear you there. I'm responsible for everything. Several years ago, when I was getting overwhelmed and resentful, I tried to figure out how to make it work for me. So, here's what we do.

Black Friday - no shopping. The kids are home from school. During the previous weeks, they decide what cookies they want to make. I have the ingredients on hand, plus kits for gingerbread houses and sleighs.

While cookies are baking or we take a break, decorations come out of storage. I pack them away by room, so it's fairly easy to decorate one room at a time. We play music and have a good time.

My kids love to decorate the tree. (This is the one thing DH does: he gets the tree out of storage.) They test the lights, and then I put them and the pearl garland on. After that, they put on all of the bulbs.

Maybe things will change when they're older, but for now, they both (ages 6 and 9) expect this scenario.

As for gifts, I repeat the same thing for DH's family every year. My inlaws get a gift card to their favorite restaurant. His brothers and their wives get Harry and David pears. I buy and ship only for my niece, and this is often by internet. They all live in Arizona, so I also send each of them a snow ornament - their Ohio snow for the winter.

Shopping is a challenge for everyone. However, with all of the rest on auto-pilot, it doesn't seem as overwhelming.

I'm sorry that you feel frustrated. Instead of feeling resentful, try to figure out what could work for you. Even if you don't love it, maybe you won't resent it.

Melanie

[Pleaky]

I go back and forth

Seeing 6 yr old DS's excitement makes me happy, and I love the music and all the movies. We have lots of the Xmas DVDs and just keep playing them over and over. I do get stuck with most of the decorating, and I was being very crabby about it last week. Then I looked over and DS was starting to cry (because I just snapped at him for touching some delicate decoration). When I asked him why he was crying, he said because he wasn't getting to do any decorating. I felt like a complete idiot, and vowed then and there that he and I were going to have some fun with this. So each day when he comes home from school, we head to the basement and pull something else out. It's a slow way to decorate, but he is loving it.

DH and DS do all the baking, which is a huge help. Can you find something that they can do completely by themselves? Cookies shouldn't be too hard...

Good luck. I do feel overwhelmed, but I'm determined to enjoy the holiday and not think about what needs to be put away later.

Pleaky